Make Me Care
by FamousFor15mb
Summary: AU with a drug addict and prostitute Grimmjow unable to care for anyone until he finds an abused stray he takes pity on. Pity is a start right? Warnings: yaoi, rape, heavy language, drug use...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Well, it's gonna be pretty angsty and stuff, but I think the subject does indicate that much! Also OOC is not to be unexpected, I forewarn thee! I tried a Grimmjow POV in a present tense, I wanted to take the most direct approach possible, dunno if it works out... Oh and if you were so kind as to review, I would immensely appreciate it!

Warnings: rape, violence, heavy language, drug use...

Disclaimer: Needless to say, not owning Bleach other than the whitening one. ^^

* * *

There's no moon tonight. Even if there was I doubt I'd be able to see it for long anyway. The cement stretches up as far as I can see and blocks my sight. I've never actually felt the night in this dump, people keep on calling a city... I catch myself dreaming on feeling nothing but the moonlight on my skin; no noise, no artificial lights, just my skin and the moonlight.

The lights and buzz in this city are so dense, I get the feeling I can touch them or raher that they touch me; at times I can feel them press on me from all directions and create this glitch in my head, that's got me thinking contradictions like "_I'm here. No, I' m not." _

The street smells like piss and puke and dirt, it makes my stomach turn, although I should already be used to it by now. Can someone get used to hell?

Damn these stupid self-pitying thoughts again! Sometimes I wish my head was as empty as the rest of me. Cause I'm already sure I have no soul or heart or whatever the fuck this is that makes people feel things – angry, sad, happy – I just feel hollow. And stuck.

"Hey, blue bitch, how much for a blow?"

I turn in the direction of the rough, dry voice and face a tall, broad man with the most ridiculous hair I've seen in a while; just who the hell has such long spikes with little bells attached on them? Then again, where I am and with what I do, I meet all kinds of freaks. He's wearing a sleeveless leather jacket, torn jeans and high boots, all equally black. A couple of chains hang from his spiky belt and one of his ears is covered by silver piercings.

He looks intimidating and reeks of sadism so I think twice before I answer him. I can see in his eyes – or rather in his eye since he's got a patch covering the other one - a will for dominance. He looks at me like I'm scum but with a slight smirk that gives away his desire for the product in front of him. Yeah, I know I'm nothing but a product by now. Besides if I considered myself a person I'd get frustrated, no, devastated by how others treat and use me.

"40 bucks, cause you're sexy... You won't regret it babe..."

"Haha, shit, you're a funny slut! Are you really in a position to put such a price on your dirty head hole? I can see the sweat and shaking from here, it's time for whatever it is you get high on, so cut the crap, get in the car, and blow me and my buddy for 20 bucks, before I change my mind."

He gestures towards a black jeep with dark windows. The numerous scars covering his exposed skin create a random pattern and the tattoo ink on his neck and arms disappearing under his clothes, completes the image of a surreal painting. I wonder if he is a yakuza guy or rather an actor in such a role; he's just so damn cliché it seems fake.

I know he's right though. I need my fix more than a dying man in the desert needs water. Cause every time the drugs are done I feel like dying... Know what I mean? No, you don't. Nobody knows what I mean and I feel alone.

"Well, then, I hope your friend is as hot as you..." I say in a lustful voice as I wink my eye. He lifts one eyebrow and with a 'tsk' sound walks towards the jeep, opens the door and makes a gesturing command to get in. I do so reluctantly even if I try to show the opposite.

I'm not weak. I just feel vulnerable at the moment and I know first hand there are all kinds of twisted motherfuckers ready to show how sadistic and cruel they can be and how much they don't give a shit about anyone else. Especially when they pay for it. Then they return to their loving wife like the good caring husbands they are. They disgust me. Everyone does, even myself. Damn these thoughts again! See, this is exactly what I need my dose for; to stop the fucking hell from affecting me!

I stop hesitating when I enter the car; let them use me, I won't even remember it when I get high. At least until the drugs wear off and I start wishing I was dead again. Vicious fucking circle.

The scarce light inside the car doesn't allow me to see the face of the slim figure that sits cross-legged on the scarlet leather backseats. He holds a zippo lighter in one hand which he brings close to the unlit cigarette between his lips. The flame gives me just enough time to see his features; he is rather pretty, almost like a girl and his make-up and girly shoulder length haircut complete the androgynous look. When he turns his head in my direction, two peacock-like feathers in his hair catch my attention. What is it with these people and weird hair attachments? His clothing is unexpectedly normal, just a deep red t-shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans.

His eyes meet mine and I notice dilated pupils under his heavy eyelids. He exhales the smoke to my face and smirks. The big guy gets in the driver's seat, starts the engine and immediately begins to accelerate. The guy next to me looks at me in a lewd way and licks his upper lip slowly.

"Well, that one looks like a wild stray cat, Kenny, just how I like them; I love it when you know how much a manly whore turns me on, babe! There's nothing more beautiful than turning a dominant looking man into a submissive servant... Mmm, I already imagine his face covered in our cum and I get excited by such beauty..."

"These drugs make you pretty needy Yumi, you can start if you want, I'll join you in 5'. Just don't finish too soon, you know I like to watch."

"What's your name? No actually I don't care, you'd tell me a fake one anyway. I'll call you kitty, that's good enough.. So stop staring, unbutton me and start sucking, you filthy kitten!"

He throws his cigarette from the window and immediately lights up another one. Then he turns to face me, leans his back against the door and lifting one foot onto the car seat, he spreads his legs. I know what I'm supposed to do and I focus on the money and on my fix. This will all be over soon.

I crawl between his legs and touch his crotch. I can feel he's already getting hard. I start unbuckling his pants but he slaps my hand away.

"Use your mouth, kitty"

All this bossing around gets on my nerves but I'm already inside the game; I know I have to obey the rules now. I move my face close to his waist and lift his shirt with my teeth so that my mouth is under it. As my breath touches the skin of his lower belly his light hair there stands and he takes a short breath. I flick my tongue twice over his navel but I feel a rough tug on my hair and then a sharp pain on my cheek.

"Who told you you can tease me you slut? Next time you won't do as I tell you, a slap won't be enough! Now, say you're sorry!"

"I'm sorry" I whisper and from my angry eyes, my lack of regret must be apparent, cause he chuckles.

"I like this pride of yours. Makes me wanna cum all over it. Now since you can't get a job done just open your mouth."

He has already freed his erection and is holding it in his fist. As I move closer again, I feel a tight grasp on my head and before I even part my lips he shoves his shaft in my mouth while he pushes up and holds my head down so that I swallow him to the hilt. I hear a hissing sound and then, while holding me in place, he starts bucking his hips up rapidly, fucking my throat.

"Use your tongue you pathetic kitten, no one ever told you how to suck a dick?"

He is gagging me by now, but I try to breathe from my nose and swirl my tongue around his dick.

Then I feel his hand patting my cheeks.

"Shit, hollow your cheeks more, yes, like that.. You look beautiful with my dick in your mouth, kitty. I guess it's rare to hear a compliment, so fucking hollow your cheeks more!"

My mouth and throat hurt already and my scalp feels like it's getting torn from the way he pulls my hair but I ignore it. I know this is nowhere near ending. I feel the car stopping and the door behind me open.

"You're sexy when you're bossy Yumi, I'm already hard..."

"Then get over here and fuck this guy's face too, I want to see his blue hair covered in cum, he's so useless."

The big guy pushes the front seats forward to create more space, gets in the car and sits besides me. He unbuckles his belt and jeans.

"Go suck him right now kitty. And say something, I haven't heard your voice much. Say you want your food. And then beg for it."

My stomach turns. I feel disgusted.

"I'm hungry. Please, please feed me."

I say while I look the big guy in the eye. He smirks and shoves my head on his erection.

"Then eat."

His dick is ridiculously big, I try to swallow as much as I can and as I start bobbing my head up and down, I feel the other guy getting close, When I look at his direction, I see him jerking off next to my face, the head of his dick touching my cheek.

"Moan!"

I try to do so, but with the big shaft in my mouth almost no sound comes out. I feel a strong slap on my ass.

"I told you to fucking moan slut!"

I moan louder and the sound comes out muffled, but the slim guy seems satisfied.

"More, suck him deeper and faster!"

His jerks next to my cheek become faster as well and he's making hissing sounds every now and then. He watches me intently and then he leans and kisses the other guy.

"Cum on his face for me, yeah, babe?"

The other guy groans, pulls my hair and starts pushing my head up and down his dick faster. I choke and saliva mixed with pre-cum is dripping down my chin. Then, as I feel I'm about to throw up, he pulls my head off his dick and holds it just below it. After two jerks I close my eyes and I feel thick fluid spreading on my cheeks, forehead and eyelids. Two fingers grip my chin and turn my face strongly.

"Aagh, you're so beautiful right now kitty! I'm gonna make you even more AAGH"

Sperm covers the rest of my face and hair and starts flowing down my neck. I hear panting and the wet sound of kissing. I don't want to open my eyes, but when I do I see 20 bucks getting crammed into my jeans pocket and the big guy opening the door.

"Get the fuck out."

* * *

The night is chilly, I look at my cell and it's already 3.30 a.m. After a few steps, I see a familiar looking girl with huge breasts in a tiny white top that leaves her underboobs showing, a pair of tight white shorts and fishnet covering what part of the legs is not covered by the high-heel leather white boots. She's way pretty and gets so many customers I'm sure one day she'll make a fortune and leave this place. If she stops wasting it on drugs that is.

"Oi, Nell! How's the night goin'?"

She turns her head in my direction tilting it to the side when she sees me looking like I just got licked by a cow.

"Hey, it's ok I guess, got five guys already.. You look terrible by the way, Grimm, here's some tissues, clean yourself up... Jeez, you're shaking like hell..."

"Thanks... Well, yeah I think I'll go home, I won't get anyone else the way I look right now anyway... Besides you're stealing all the business, what are my chances?"

"Hah, shut up bitch! Look, some of Aizen's lackeys are in an alley in the next block, I think your next question is answered; so have a good trip, ok?"

"Thanks, Nell... Try to keep safe. Careful. Well alive, y'know."

She smiles condescendingly and lifts her hand to sign a goodbye. I start moving, feeling my knees wobbling and I hope they don't give up before I reach my med; horsepower. I started injecting it a couple of months before and there's nothing like it. At first I smoked or snorted it, but there's nothing like the rush the instant absorption of injected heroin can offer. I scratch my arms which feel like being covered by tiny ants running up and down, up and down; shit, the feeling spreads to my chest and neck and my nails don't seem able to make it any better... I want to claw my skin off, but eventually I decide to stop, even if this itchiness is driving me insane; cause I know that soon I'll feel heaven. Where the hell are Aizen's guys?

I walk for what seems like ages before I hear voices coming from a dark alley on my left. As I go closer the voices become louder and the sounds of an ongoing fight echo through the desert road. I hide behind a dark trash bin and take my head out to see what's going on.

"Take that, you asshole! Fuckin' bastard, y'think that was for free?"

"This is for this pretty face of yours, shithead, how's that feelin' huh?"

Three guys have circled around a body that is moving less and less on the ground, hitting, kicking and stomping wherever they find flesh underneath. The fallen guy's whines and cries become fainter by the moment and I can tell he's not going to be conscious for long.

I recognize one of the guys; he's huge and his voice sounds like growls by a wild beast. Yummy or something equally pathetic for a name. The other one seems like a kid, a girl actually, so slender and short, but with a devilish grin carved on his face, distorting his features. The third one is covered mostly by the shadows; the only thing I can make out is that he has dark skin.

"You think you could escape like that? You know how much what you did cost us fucker? Oh, don't you faint now, that's where the fun begins!"

The Yammy guy barks, leans over the body on the ground and lifts the head by tugging the hair forcefully. Is this orange hair? I can't see much of the face, partly because of the darkness, partly because of the numerous trails of blood on it that give the impression that scarlet is a possible skin colour.

Well, I sure know what I'm about to watch; however I stopped playing the hero a long time ago, besides why would I give a fuck... Nobody would care for my ass as well. My stomach turns though at the sight and at the cruelty unraveling before me. I want to avert my eyes and leave, but my body and gaze seem fixed in place and I feel a wave of disgust and pity for the unknown kid. Welcome to hell orange boy.

Yammy lowers his pants and pushes his groin on the kid's bloody face. He starts thrusting violently in the kid's mouth, while the dark skinned man tears the guy's jeans down and lifts his hips up. The guy seems almost unconcious, but some faint movement of his hands in mere weak attempts to escape, give away the fact that he is still there.

Just when the dark guy forces himself deeply into the kid's ass, Yammy thrusts out of his mouth, letting an ear-splitting cry echo through the alley and pierce my ears - or is it my soul - before being muffled abruptly by Yammy's flesh. As the two violate savagely the poor kid, the third feminine guy, still wearing his never wavering grin, unbuckles his pants and starts stroking himself.

The dark-skinned guy speeds up his pace mercilessly and I can't help but wince at the thought the guy will break in half; or in pieces. And that that would probably still be better for him than having to survive the day after, to deal with a violated self.

Suddenly, Yammy jerks his head back, growling and burying himself deep into the orange-haired guy's throat, forcing him to swallow evidently. Scowling, he releases his grip on the orange hair and the head drops to the ground with a thud. Not long after, the dark skinned guy's thrusts become erratic and after a final deep one and a harsh groan, he removes himself from the abused guy letting the rest of him crumble to the ground. The short guy, still jerking off, kicks lightly the fallen body with his foot to turn him around on his back, before hissing and cumming all over his face.

"I hope that lesson's learned faggot. Don't play with the bad boys again."

After a spitting sound, I watch them slowly go away. The body on the ground is not making the slightest movement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Hey, thanks a lot for the favs, follows and reviews guys! I would be more than delighted to receive some more if you like the chapter!

( ^_^ )/"

Oh, I forgot to mention, English is not my mother tongue nor do I live in an english speaking country, so please forgive any mistakes (and of course corrections are more than welcome)!

* * *

I don't know how much time has passed, but the drops of sweat are increasing; as I focus on them falling from my skin to the ground, they appear like a waterfall; or is it a rainstorm? They are currently forming a tiny puddle on the pavement underneath which seems to get bigger as time passes. Shit, am I going to drown by my own sweat? I realize I haven't breathed for a while - why the hell am I still holding my breath? I gasp violently for air and I find myself crouched behind a trash bin. Fuck, I was imagining stuff again; I need my fix and I need it right now.

Shaking my head as though to shake the shattered hallucination away, I reach for the fairly squeezed Malboro pack in my back pocket and take out a cigarette. I fumble for my lighter and I panic the moment I don't sense it; this absurd momentary skip of the heart when you think you lost something precious takes me over until my fingers finally touch cold steel.

Raindrops join the sweat on my skin, as I take out the zippo and look at it; I forget to blink for quite some time until my eyes sting, but I hold my stare. This is the only remnant I have from my long gone childhood friend. Heh, Ulquiorra would probably get outraged if he saw me like that. I have failed him, I know... I was never as strong as him, I could never confront the facts rationally like he did. He completed me like a puzzle piece, no, more than that; he held my pieces together. How would he expect me not to fall apart after his loss? So much happened anyway...

The sound of a high pitched woman cry reaches my ears and makes me jump out of my skin and stupor. I turn my eyes to the source of the voice and I see a young woman running, away from the dark alley across the street, like she'd just seen a ghost with a killer intent. Jeez, what is it that she's afraid of, getting hurt too? Doesn't she wanna help the helpless bloody mess she just saw? Hell yeah, I am heartless too, I haven't helped the boy either; but it's cause I have enough problems as it is, what's her excuse? Fear?

The sound of rain suddenly becomes louder, I think it's gonna be an all-out storm soon. Maybe fear is my excuse too. Fear of showing empathy and pity when I know that it's pointless; that I'm alone; that the only thing I need is my fix and the rest of the world can all go to hell and see what it's like! I rise to my feet slowly, making sure my knees aren't as weak as they feel. I finally light the cigarette and take a deep sip. Who am I kidding? If I didn't feel something I would have already gone away.

I cross the street decisively and my heart beat rises. I'm already soaking wet, but the moment I glance at the mass below everything stops; the rain, the thoughts, my heart. The half-spent cigarette drops from my fingers and I stop hesitating. I wanna see what this guy's face looks like clean, without all this blood, cum and bruises. I wonder what's this feeling... Curiosity? No, maybe it's just the drugs, deprivation makes me think funny stuff all the time.

I crouch beside his head which is turned to the side and check out his wounds. I don't see something too deep on the face, although it's smeared in blood that has mostly stopped coming out from the various gashes, though still oozing slightly from a cut near the eyebrow closer to the ground. On his cheeks I can still recognize through all this mess what must be trails of tears.

The falling rain, instead of wiping the blood away, makes the scene appear even more like taken from a splatter movie; red puddles are being created around the half naked body, whose limbs lie in an unnatural angle and a little beyond shards of glass, mud and puke complete the heinous scene.

My gaze travels down the limp body; neck unsurprisingly more scarlet than white, shirt slightly torn and hands still clenched in fists. The yellow logo on the black T-shirt is heavily stained but can still be read; "I'm medicated...How are you?". Tsk, what the fuck, does he think drugs make him cool or something? Fucking kid...

As I look lower though, I forget my scowl. His torn pants and underwear lie low on his knees leaving him crudely exposed, so I move closer to lift them up. As I try to cover him up, I touch his waist and carefully turn him to the side to raise the pants completely. His skin is cold as ice; dunno if it is from the cold or from the blood loss, but I know I have to hurry either way.

Bruises are already forming on his hipbones and when my eyes turn to his ass and thighs, I swear out loud. Shit, if I wasn't already used to raw cruelty, I'd have thrown up for sure. Most of the skin has already bruised up and the numerous creeks of dried blood on his thighs are being slowly re-covered by fresh blood that is still slightly dripping down his ass. Fuck, maybe he needs stitches, maybe I should call an ambulance...

But then they'll ask me a whole lot of questions, how I found him, if I saw anyone, why I'm shaking... Hell knows how much I'd rather skip that part. So then, I should just call, tell them where he is and simply go away, right? But then I'll never see him again. Somehow this irrational urge for seeing the guy's face clean is taking me over, so I decide to get closer and part the bloody cheeks to examine the wound. My stomach clenches at the sight of the abused flesh; at least it doesn't seem like he needs stitches.

I place my arms below his knees and arms and attempt to lift him up, but I realize a moment too late I'm in no condition to carry him home bride style. Falling on my knees I hiss but the boy does not stir. Shit, it's at least a mile away from here and my body's strength is not exactly trustworthy right now. Grabbing the guy's arms decisively and facing the opposite way, I pull the body until I feel his chest on my back. Holding the arms tightly, I get up, lifting the body with me. He's heavier than he looks and for a moment I feel his weight pulling me back, so my grip on the arms tighten and leaning forward I jerk to move the body higher up on my back.

Wet bright orange hair enter my side vision as I start pacing fast towards home. If someone could even call such place a home. Located in the shittiest, dirtiest and most dangerous district of Tokyo and being so small that even a mouse would complain. But I don't, I have other shit going on and besides all I need is a place I can trip not worrying if anyone will catch me and sleep, occasionally with a client that for some reason wants to fuck in a shit hole.

I am panting heavily and can hear the pulse thumping from every artery in my body so loudly, that I think my heart is a ticking bomb ready to explode on any further step, but instead of resting I keep climbing the final stairs until I reach the familiar outline of my apartment door. The cold, mouldy corridor stinks as always of something indescribable, like rotten food and weed.

I have trouble finding the keys in my back pocket cause I don't wanna wake up the kid with my movements; though I doubt this is even possible, he has remained motionless all along. His steady heart beat on my spine and his occasional rugged groans on my chest invade my brain like a drug that keeps me from collapsing. Shit, a drug... I haven't thought about them from the moment I approached this creature on my back. I don't remember the last time five minutes passed without thinking about drugs and how I need them.

I finally open the door. The house is just one room where I sleep, eat and get fixed and a tiny toilet. Heading towards the bed I drop the guy on it a bit too roughly cause I lose my grip and a whiny stretched moan makes me wonder if he's finally awake. I stare at his shut eyelids expecting them to open any time; when that doesn't happen however I sit down next to him trying to decide where to start taking care of his wounds. Finally, I stand up, go to the sample of a kitchen across the room and take two towels and a small basin which I fill with warm water. I hear another long whine and then a soft exhausted sigh, before silence fills the room again.

I go to the toilet to wash my hands and seeing my reflection on the small, cracked mirror, I realize just how dirty I am. And how exhausted. And how I ache all over. I splash some water on my face as though H2O was a revitalizing drug; well maybe it is, how we define what's a drug anyway. Burying my face on the towel I take one more moment to relax and try to snap out of it. I've brought a raped stranger home, great, now what? I can't even help myself, how did I ever consider this was a good idea... With these thoughts buzzing in my head I turn and get out of the toilet gazing at the floor.

"FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!"

It's all I hear from behind me, a second before feeling an intense pain on the lower back of my skull. I bend forward from the force of the blow and grab the wall next to me.

"Whatta hell?"

I face the source of my pain that is now crumbling to the floor. This must be the closest thing to a fuckin' zombie, I'll ever get to see, I'm sure... An orange haired head facing down, eyes impossibly wide and glistening amid scarlet features. His mouth is hanging open and quick pants reach my ears as I try to get a grip of myself.

"Shit you did tha' for, huh? Not gonna hurt you, shithead! Tsk"

I take a step towards the guy on the floor and extend my hand towards him.

"Don' try shit like that again now and don' move any more unless you got a death wish! Look..."

I never got to finish my phrase cause as the fingertips of my extended hand brushed against his shoulder a piercing shriek cut me off.

"DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE! DON'T FUCKIN' TOUCH ME!"

The shriek was almost hysterical, what the fuck? I let out an almost desperate sigh.

"Shut your mouth an' behave yourself you shithead, righ' now you can't do much to defend yourself without dying first, so fuckin' hear me out! I'm not gonna hurt you and I'm not with the guys that did, I just happened to witness your um... fight and felt leaving you bleed to death was not gonna guarantee me Santa gifts this year, that's all. But as I see, you' re suicidal, so y' can get the fuck outta here for all I care."

I try to keep my voice down but I know my tone is far from comforting. Well the fucking shit just hit me with a pan, I could be out already if not for the expected weak force of the blow; actually I'm amazed he even stood up on his own. He closes his eyelids and seems to be trying to even his breath or manage whatever volume of pain he's into, cause his bloody features are getting heavily contorted like they're all trying to gather at the center of his face.

Suddenly he puts a hand on the floor and turns his upper body to face the door. He puts the other hand on the floor too and tries to get up on all four in a mere attempt to crawl towards the door rather than stand up. I look at the trails of blood his hands are leaving on the floor as he slides them slowly forward and I frown; how are even his palms bleeding? Then I remember his still clenched fists when I found him and the miserable image in front of me makes me say something in a tone so soft that takes even me by surprise.

"Please don't move anymore... Let me help you, ok?"

His movements stop but he does not make an attempt to turn around and look at me.

"Hey, here, take some of th..."

I've paced to the cupboard on my right where I keep my meds and taken out some Vicodin to give him but my sentence stops midway as I take a look on his face. His eyelids are clenched shut and from the corners of his eyes tears run down his bloody cheeks. I stand transfixed not knowing what to do, say or think.

"It...f-fucking h-hurts."

"Here. Take this... Look, I'm gonna touch you now, so please don't scream ok?"

I crouch and am now at eye level with his still shut eyes. I grip his chin as gently as I can and pull down to open his jaw. Holding three Vicodin pills with the other hand I gently probe his mouth to open it some more and push two fingers between his lips. He remains still, doesn't open his mouth more nor does he bite down, but new tears form on the corners of his shut eyes. My fingers touch his soft, wet muscle placing the pills upon it and I momentarily enjoy the feeling and don't feel like removing them from this warm cavity. I gently cup the one side of his face sweeping away with my thumb the tears from his eye.

"Swallow, it's gonna make some of the pain go away ok? An' stop frowning like that, it doesn't suit you, y' know?"

His eyes open slightly and he slowly lifts his gaze until his warm brown eyes set on mine. They're glistening from the tears and are so doleful my chest starts hurting; as I submerge into brown abyss, I feel like I'm forgetting who I am, where I am, what I'm doing... I only emerge to the surface again when I feel a soft sway under my fingers. Then I feel them getting squeezed as I hear a gulping sound, before a wet smooth sensation between and all over them makes the hair on my neck stand and I hiss.

"What the hell did ya do tha' for?"

I take my fingers out of his mouth and stand up so fast my vision darkens. Shit I overreacted, now he'll start crying again. Well he's no fuckin' puppy! But he's the one who's hurt right? Well, wrong. A whisper reaches my ears.

"Heh, I'm sorry... I'm really messed up so why do you even bother?"

His voice gets more steady and, wait is this a chuckle? I lower my gaze at him again. He looks fucking paranoid right now; grinning while all his other features indicate intense pain and sorrow. Tears start falling again, this time rapidly, like his eyes are clouds and a storm is coming.

"Haha. HAHAHAHAAA!"

Shit, he's either losing it or possessed. I feel getting frightened, what's that for, he obviously can't hurt me so why am I

"Hey sit back, RELAX!"

I touch his forehead and I realize he's burning with fever, how did I not sense that before? I crouch behind him wrapping my arms around his neck, not to choke him, just to lessen the blood flowing to his brain for some seconds, so that he relaxes.

"It's gonna be ok, shhh... It's alright... I got you, babe..."

As I realize what I've said I release the pressure around his neck and I feel he's already relaxed some. What the fuck is wrong with me tonight? I haven't called anyone like that ever, so what's gotten into me? Maybe it's just what I'd like to hear if I was him, or something like that I guess... I lift him slowly up; his gaze is relaxed but unfocused and I half lead half carry him to the bed.

"Gonna clean you up now ok?"

He nods, gazing at the ceiling like he's getting mentally absorbed by it. The Vicodin must have already taken effect. I plunge one towel in the warm water of the basin I've left next to the bed, wring it and start cleaning the smeared skin in front of me. He has so much dried blood and dirt on him, I lost count of the times I go change the water. We've both remained silent all along and I have no idea how much time I'm cleaning him, but I'm almost done with his upper body. He doesn't even resist when I take off his dirty shirt nor when I start cleaning his wounds more thoroughly. I've brought iodin, alcohol and gauzes for that, along with a vodka for me. Bottle of course.

I'm halfway down the bottle when I turn to take his shoes off. When I reach for his pants, he flinches abruptly and I sigh. Why hasn't he slept already?

"You should sleep. I don't wanna give you any sleeping pills cause of the painkillers but really... Try to get some rest."

"I don't feel safe. I don't think I will again... You can stop, I'm alright now."

"The hell you are. You can get seriously infected if you're not already, rape is not

"FUCK OFF! Stop fuckin' parenting me! What's your fuckin' name anyway?"

"Fuckin' Grimmjow"

I say as I smile to him for the first time. He doesn't seem pissed actually. Just genuinely embarrassed and awkward. I think I catch a soft blush on his cheeks before he drops his head back on the pillow. Huh, that suits him as hell!

"What's yours, orange boy?"

"You're one to talk, Grimmblue... Anyhow, I'm Ichigo. Far from pleased to meet you."

"Ichigo, huh? Don't be so grim now! I'm not the bad guy remember?"

"Well something's definitely not good with you; the way your hands are shaking, your skin is sweating despite of the chilliness, your eyes are looking..."

"How are my eyes looking now, you ungrateful piece of shit?"

I bring my face so close to his, our noses are almost touching and look at him in the eyes as intimidatingly as I can. However, instead of backing down he smirks.

"Like you're a worthless, pathetic, never loved junkie, that's how. And probably a slut too if the cum on your hair is any indication."

Feeling whatever sense has remained in me escape, I abruptly lower my head to the side of his neck and bite as hard as I can, quickly feeling iron taste in my mouth, while I continue sucking mercilessly at the soft skin. The body beneath me writhes and a loud scream that is gradually turned into a whiny moan reaches not my ears, but the pit of my stomach. I wanna devour him whole; lick, bite, chew and swallow all of his flesh. Lust. Yeah, I recognize the feeling; I haven't felt it for what seems like ever. I stop as abruptly as I started.

"What the hell are you thinkin' kid? Is it some hobby of yours to enrage people? People will hurt you if you do that don't you get it?"

He doesn't respond or look at me, in fact he has turned his head in the other direction, facing the wall next to the bed, leaving the other side of his neck exposed and I feel like I'm a starved panther and raw meat is shoved onto my face and for some reason I must refrain from taking a bite. He finally turns his head and we're face to face again.

"Is that what they did to you? What they do to you? Is that why you feel sorry for me? Cause I'm a fellow broken piece of shit? Do you want me to get you? To feel indebted, grateful and show empathy? Compassion? Love? Is that why you're still taking care of me while you look like you're in more pain than I am right now? Yeah, go on, drink the remaining alcohol, then drink some more and go take whatever the hell it is you get high on. Why do you need me for huh? How could ever anyone feel compassion for a junkie like yourself? For a cheap slut?"

The bottle is finished as I head to the cupboard to get another one and the words echo through the room. I hardly hear what he says anymore. What did I do to deserve this? I know he's in post-traumatic stress and shit but all I did was try to help so why the hell...sobs interrupt my thoughts and I turn to look at the kid on my bed. He's crouched in an embryonic position and is burying his face between his palms. Whatta hell, is being bipolar a side effect of rape?

"What now? You're the one insulting me so why the fuck you cryin' for?"

As expected I get no answer so I approach the bed again, opening a new bottle of vodka.

"You want some?"

The now cleaned face emerges again from between slightly trembling hands as he turns to lie on his back again, but the beautiful brown eyes fix on a point beyond me.

"If I want some of what? Your pity? I get a junkie's pity, that's pretty pathetic don't you think? Fuck, I hate myself... I hate myself so much I want everybody to hate me too... I feel so fucking dirty no matter how much time you scrub me I know I'll still be dirt... Shit, stop looking at me like that and hate me already!"

"Can't do that, see, my hate's monogamous and right now it's married to myself, so I'll try a different feeling wit' ya, a'right? Try some of the vodka it'd help more than I will..."

With that I take a big sip of the strong alcohol and holding it in my mouth I bring my lips over the startled guy's. With one hand I close his nose while with the other I grip his jaw and push his cheeks to his teeth so that he opens his mouth. When he does, I start pouring the liquid slowly from my mouth to his, careful not to spill any outside, our lips almost but never actually touching. I release my grip on his nose and jaw and look him in the eyes while still pouring the alcohol in his mouth. He begins to gulp and his eyes suddenly go from startled to soft.

As I remove myself entirely from him, I feel a rough tug on the back of my hair before dry lips crash on mine.


End file.
